Sunday, July 5, 2009

People are so Fickle

Last night something odd happened. For the first time in a very, very long time, an overwhelming feeling of loneliness came over me. It hit once the fireworks started. It seems completely silly but even once the celebration ended I couldn't shake that feeling. Everyone I was with on the hotel rooftop had someone, and when the fireworks started going off they got all cuddly and what not. Of course I've been in that position before, and it's nice. It wasn't so much me feeling jealous, it was more so a reminder of something I had once I guess. Deep down I probably just wanted to make out with someone. A fifteen year old emo girl all over again. At least I didn't cry.

Later on in the night I was on a rooftop in Brooklyn. This rooftop was huge and four different parties were going on simultaneously. There was a DJ, people were dancing. The view of the skyline was insane. I couldn't stop staring at it. That's what happens though when I see the skyline, I always know this is where I'm meant to me and that's really have one definitive thing to know and believe in. Everything else is always so unclear and up in the air, but I have and will always have the city. It was there for me in high school, to give me something to aspire to. And now it's there to remind me of that teenager, still filled with hope and dreams and ambition (cue the music). I remember my freshman year of college thinking that even being surrounded by a million people you can still feel lonely. I guess that's what made last night so strange to me. The feeling is usually brought upon for a specific reason, like breaking up with a boyfriend, but not last night. It just happened. I suppose I'm really curious to know (as seen in my last entry) when everything will finally come together. In every aspect of my life. And when it does, am I going to wish it didn't happen? That the chaos was a little bit more fun?

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