Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The past three nights I have had the same dream. In them I decide against better judgement to tell someone- who until these past three nights I've done a good job not thinking about-that I miss them. To do this in real life would certainly be a mistake, and either end without a response or start up that vicious cycle all over again. It's a thought I can't seem to shake at the moment. I guess what's bothering me is that I never had a chance. Through all that was said and done, I never had a chance, so I'll never know what could have been (perhaps that's the point...it wasn't in the cards to happen, ever). Or maybe, it's because I haven't heard from this person, and I guess I thought I would. A part of me wonders if I should say something, since I've got nothing to lose...just my self respect. HA. I suppose writing this is a way of saying something. Sure it's not "Missed Connections," but I'm still typing it out and putting it into the internet universe.
And of course I'm aware that there's a slim chance you might read this. So there you go. You still haunt me.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
"...I've had many momentary love affairs. A lot of these impromptu romances have been climaxed in a fashion not generally condoned. I go into them impulsively. I scorn any notion of their permanence. I forget the fever associated with them when a new interest presents itself."
Monday, March 22, 2010
Good f-ing grief.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I don't get it. At all. What do you want from me? Why do you even think about me?
My life story should be written into a movie, nay, a musical. Consisting solely of songs from 1960's girl groups. Excellent.
Jeff Buckley might need to be thrown in there too.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I kind of wish I didn't have these dreams. I would like to know what's going on in my brain that allows for me to have them. I wonder if I ever show up in your dreams. Every time I have these dreams I wake up right afterwards, as though my brain won't allow them to continue. And everytime I wake up I'm kind of sad. I don't like feeling sad over a dream...especially one I was so happy in.
I saw this on Post-Secret this past weekend, and I hoped that maybe you sent it in...the first part certainly, and unfortunately, rings true.
I wish we could be friends, beyond wishing each other happy birthday, and see each other once in awhile, even though I don't deserve that at all. My mom always said I met you at the wrong time in my life. If only I had been 25. I hope you're truly happy with her, and haven't stayed with her this long because it's the easy thing to do.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
I'm surprised how vividly I can remember these dreams, I guess it's because nothing really happened in any of them. They're more repetituous than anything, but they still leave me waking up feeling anxious. This doesn't deter me from my mission of sobriety. I need to keep my mind clear so I can write. While I'm awake I've already been more creative and clever, writing down tidbits of dialogue or sketch ideas. Something I haven't done in awhile. Aside from not dreaming nothing else good has come from alcohol, and I believe I've finally realized that. It's taken long enough, right?