Monday, July 6, 2009

Memories, All Alone in the Moonlight

For some odd reason (sobriety), I had a random sequence of thoughts happen tonight. It involved me hearing about something and a person I hadn't talked to in years being part of it. There's no need to go into details, I know what I'm referring to (but in two months, I wont') and that's all that matters. It was one of those, "I totally forgot about that person," sort of moments. A person who years ago I cared reseasonably about. Strange how things work out I suppose. It made me wonder if people who were once part of my life, and I theirs, ever randomly think of me. Perhaps a memory is brought back by seeing something that remind them of me, or the thought of me randomly popping into their head. If it happens to me, why not them? I wonder why it happens to me. A lot of times no outside forces play a part, only a little thought, a snapshot of them and who they once were to me. I guess I find it strange, but in no way shocking, that someone who once played a huge role in your life can years later be obsolete. As if they were never there to begin with. There was once a time when I couldn't remember what life was like before I met my ex-boyfriend. When we finally broke up, for real real, I was devastated. This devastation lasted for a year and a half or something pathetic, I mean calling my mom at 2 a.m., hysterical because I would never have another him, blah, blah, emo girl crap, blah. And now, three years after everything I'm fine. Finally. Yet he still manages to pop into my head at least once a day. For no reason. WHY? Residual thoughts? My brain is now programmed to allow one millisecond of him thrive in my neurosystem? The problem is there are days I realize I haven't thought him yet that day, therefore ruining the little bit of progress made. This is getting completely off topic...AND I PROVED MY OWN POINT. That I'm both slightly insane and sad because I started writing about that. Ughh.

So think about the people you've slept with. Can you remember all of them? Remember what it was like? Does that person ever think of you, even if it was only a one time thing? Do you wonder if that person ever thinks of you? Do you even care? That person was inside of you...or you inside another person. Seems like a name meant remembering right? Not always. We are all that insignificant. You are not a beautiful flower. Seems as though there's no need for names or identities, right? Now I'm beginnning to sound like some liberal arts college chick. The horror. This must be why some people want to become famous. Your name, nay, your existence, will be remembered. And not only by family members, but by many! Why do some people stick in your life, and others unadhere so quickly? Why does the universe even throw them my way? Most of them don't serve a purpose. My conclusion is that everything must happen for a reason and have some meaning, no matter how small, to it. People come and go in and out of out lives for a reason and why their existence remains in our memories I don't know. They're just pesky little reminders of people who once annoyed us, or people we once loved. Or sort of liked.

1 comment:

  1. Now you've got me thinking of the people I made blood bonds with as a child but have not heard from in over ten years. Eww and all the young crushes and so called relationships that seemed so important at the time. Yeah, I have to admit I think of this stuff a lot. I mean, the first guy to tell me he loved me has already been married twice since then. I think he might have gone to jail as well.
    I guess I believe even if their part in your life was fleeting it might have served a very small aide in making you who you are.