Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Hanging My Head in Shame. Sigh.

There's nothing worse than the feeling of utter embarassment after you've come to the sober realization that when you've been drinking, you should not have a cell phone near you. Alcohol does indeed cloud my judgement making brain cells, and while I'm aware that I shouldn't text someone, or that after a certain point I should stop texting someone, I still do it. At least I don't drunk dial. The whole buzzed-texting thing hasn't gotten out of control, I just feel dumb the next day, or an hour later. This happened yesterday while at the outdoor bar at Bryant Park. I had few beers, no big deal, but then I'm proceeding to text a handful of friends about stupid things. Blame can be given to the fact that the friend I was with left me to go to rehearsal, and I couldn't leave a full beer there un-drunk. What would Jesus think? There was also a group of married 40 year old men who decided to talk to me. The hilarity of the situation had to be shared, but texting also allowed me an escape. Long story short (too late), I want to put an apology out into the universe. I don't want to look back at what I sent. Too embarassing. I don't think I did anything to really annoy anyone. Please don't hate me. It's just myself and my own insecurites (yes, I have a few of them)that make me feel like I'm being that kind of girl. Oy. I don't know where this is going. In that state of mind what I say seems like an okay thing to be telling someone, when it actually makes me look needy. Maybe I am needy. Fuck. I should do a week of sobriety again. Don't hold your breath.

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