I'm done. It was funny for awhile but seriously, I can't anymore. If there's a reason why all this has been happening, then what is it? For me to focus on my writing more? It's hard to do that when I have this itch that has become impossible to scratch. Unbelievable. As silly as it is to dwell on, and really it's quite an insignificant part of life, I'm going out of my mind! On top of the frustration, which is one thing, I also get to feel stupid for wasting ten hours of my day today. That's what makes it worse, that I end up looking foolish for even giving you a minute of my time, let alone the whole day. All I want, all I need is that physical act itself. Keep your feelings away, I don't care. Why is it so difficult to seperate the two? And why is something ALWAYS getting in my way. Why is there always someone else there that is more important than I am? What am I doing that's so wrong? I know exactly what I'm trying to get myself into, I know the outcome, I expect nothing more or less than what I will actually get. But nooooooo. Something so simple has become so absurd. Obviously whatever it is that I'm doing, or not doing isn't working. Merely existing doesn't seem to be working. And this can't be the universe's way of protecting me or having me make the smart choice, because way back when it certainly didn't pay any attention to the choices I was making. Psh. So why now? I can't seem to get what I want. Someone may then ask, "Well what is it that you want?" I know what I could go for immediately, that's for sure. In the grander scheme of things, maybe not so much. Or maybe it's just my subconscious that is confused.
Good f-ing grief.