Lately it seems that everyone around me is trying to make some sort of change in their lives. This change mainly relates to finding a new or second job. While I desperately need to find another job, I don't know how to go about it. Not in the sense of “Where do I look for job listings?” but rather, “What do I want to do?” I know that don't want to work in a restaurant anymore and I know that I want to make money off of my writing. The problem comes in with making that happen.
I only work three nights a week and I like that because it allows me to have fun and work on my writing. I won't look back on my 20s and wish I had worked less. I might look back though and wish I had made more money and saved it. I can't win. I've been wondering if I should give up on New York and move somewhere else. But to where? California perhaps? Or should I try to get more involved here...I mean if I can make it here I can make it anywhere. Moving means escaping and I’ll have the same problems no matter where I go.
I think that I need to start doing something everyday that will help me work towards what I'd like to be doing. I've been talking about getting into pin-up modeling since I was 18...why haven't I done that yet? (Since writing this, I joined the Pin-Up Photography Meet Up). I have an idea for a television show along with episode outlines...why haven't I started writing it? I have ideas for plays, a burlesque act and writing shows for friends, and I don't know why I don't do this. The more material I have while I'm young, the better. I can’t figure out why I lack motivation.
I just finished reading Steve Martin's "Born Standing Up," and from childhood he's always been interested in performing. So what did he do? Perform! From his pre-teens he was working on magic tricks and comedy, and look at what he’s accomplished. It makes me think about when I was a kid. I always enjoyed writing and entertaining and making people laugh, and I still do today. That’s what I want to be doing, and eventually get paid for it. There are enough free ways to get myself out there; internet, amateur nights at comedy clubs (for both sketch comedy and stand up), yet I’m not taking advantage of it. Writing this provided me with no answers or insight to my dilemma, other than what I already know-Stop fucking around.