Wednesday, April 28, 2010

You, again?

I like to read the "Missed Connections" on Craigslist. Rarely is it ever because I believe I experienced a connection with someone on the subway or in a bar and now there's no way of ever finding them again. I actually don't like the idea of finding someone through "Missed Connections." I think it's a better story if two strangers just started up a conversation...on the subway or in a bar. Right time, right place. Some of the postings though aren't about connections missed, but rather connections lost. These are always sad to me, and what's even sadder is that a lot of times I wonder if someone out there wrote it about me. Is it someone's weak yet still endearing way of letting me know they still occasionally think about me? I doubt it, but it's a nice thought anyway. There are only millions of people who are feeling emo about what they lost or what could have been. Why should anyone take the time out to write one about me?

The past three nights I have had the same dream. In them I decide against better judgement to tell someone- who until these past three nights I've done a good job not thinking about-that I miss them. To do this in real life would certainly be a mistake, and either end without a response or start up that vicious cycle all over again. It's a thought I can't seem to shake at the moment. I guess what's bothering me is that I never had a chance. Through all that was said and done, I never had a chance, so I'll never know what could have been (perhaps that's the wasn't in the cards to happen, ever). Or maybe, it's because I haven't heard from this person, and I guess I thought I would. A part of me wonders if I should say something, since I've got nothing to lose...just my self respect. HA. I suppose writing this is a way of saying something. Sure it's not "Missed Connections," but I'm still typing it out and putting it into the internet universe.

And of course I'm aware that there's a slim chance you might read this. So there you go. You still haunt me.

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